Time : 20.36
Weather : Heavy Clouds
Mood : Confused
Ah, i flashed back too many times... Sometimes when you think of something unbelievable that happened to you, you'll feel like 'was i there? couldn't remember.' There was once i thought that was a dream.... But it was not...
There was this unlucky date, 16th of September 2007, Sunday it was and i was preparing for my monthly test in my room... I was kinda into Groove Adventure RaVe that time so, well, my connection sucks that time that i have to on the YouTube and let it run for the whole afternoon... I didn't really know what kind of issues we were having that time between my elder brother and i, but then we were having cold war... So, he closed my YouTube so i was like so furious and i immediately off the whole computer and shut myself up to memorize my history notes... my brother came in banging my door and i was shouting furiously at him, I didn't want to be interrupted when i was memorizing my notes... Daddy was the one who was REALLY REALLY angry and he overturned my study desk and i was crying my lungs out... I was ego that time and i have got no expectations that this would've happened... So i was in my lonely room again and i (influenced by my friend Vivianne, don't try this at home) took my pen knife out and started to cut my wrist... I wrote 'Edward' instead around my wrist (Edward was a guy that i was crazy about in Eragon)... Then, for the first time in my Life, i heard my brother cried like he had experienced death of a beloved or something, choking and sobbing... I didn't really want to identify who's the one who is GUILTY but i felt GUILTY that time... I was strong enough compared to my brother and i dared to collect myself up... For 3 months we were in a fight and I really couldn't find a way to say sorry or to make things up...
Then, the other dilemma... I was watching Restaurant Makeover... My sister and my elder brother had a fight but i don't know what was that about... A fight, one major fight... Then, my brother locked my sister in the kitchen and my sister was banging like hell and i immediately went to open the door... Before i could, my brother came to me and man handled me by the neck and i shouted at him 'what is wrong if i open the door?!' so i went open and my sis helped me to scold my brother... That time, i was sure that it was his fault... Aicks, sorry to say that... My bro came to me and said sorry and i decided to not to tell my father about what had happened... So i chicken out...
I hope he reads this to tell him that i was sorry... It's the day before he went to National Service and he was like 'study hard, don't make parents down' and i started to love my family... I can't live without them...
So here's my apologies... I got to say this even it's too late
To my Dearest Bro Chiang Teen Hao,
No matter how you hate me or how i hate you, i will still love you as my brother... We have no age gap and we still can find a solution to make things right, right? i can't see the child in me anymore because i had forgotten the way to argue... I have forgotten the formula to argue... I just wanted to make things right and i don't want people to feel that I'm someone extra in this world...
To my Dearest God Brother Chong Hui Min,
Hey you best mate... I know that i was like shouting at you when you didn't get the maths right and i was wrong to have stop you from doing things right... And i didn't really change right after you told me about the whole 'sin' thing, I'm so sorry and i hope you will feel the same way about me... I love you so so very much...
To my Dearest Nee-san,
For so many years you've been bugging me what's right what's wrong, and i totally understand about it... And i'm sorry that i took a long time to realize these and i know i made you cry and i made you angry and it all happened because you loved me and i love you...
To my Dearest Aniki Kevin.
Sorry for blaming you for not telling me about you and Suyin because it was your personal Life between you and her but then i was jealous of Nee-san because you tell her everything but not me... I was angry and jealous then... Hehe... I love you
To my Dearest Sister, Vivianne,
Oh how much i love you... Sorry for everything that i did for the last 4 years and i have been working hard to make myself better and i want some achievements... Sorry that i humiliated Celine Yap in front of our friends and sorry that i didn't really talk to you in the last year trip... Let's make it happen this YEAR!
To my Dearest Dear, Goh Pui Yee,
Sorry that i was naive and made you angry all the time... Sorry for what i did to make you (miss) understood and sorry that we quarreled when we were in Form 1 and sorry to leave you alone when you were alone and sorry to you... Sorry for everthing and i Love you...
To Pong Hui Min
Sorry that i left you alone when you need help... You have to stand up and be strong okay?
Man, this is harder than i thought... Well, I'm ready for anything and last but not least
Sorry to Foong Tet Loon that i have got no courage to tell you that i Love you and i hope you will be happy always and i rather that you don't know about my existence than you and my brother's relationship got worsen... i Love you
born to be___
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